My mental breakdown turned out to be a mental breakthrough
Hey, accountability partners! I’ve been out for a while because I was going through an emotional breakthrough. By taking you along this process, I hope to inspire you or give you takeaways to tackle your own breakdowns. Or I like to call them breakthroughs.
The lowest point — The centre of the problem uncovered
Everyone has insecurities. Every person has doubts and is unsure of doing well at moments along the day. But triggers for those feelings and emotions might differ. For example, I get triggered when I am not doing anything productive. I start feeling edgy and the way I start talking to myself is really negative. No one would believe that I dare to say those things to myself since I am always ‘so nice’ to everyone. Let’s just say that my negative self-talk was new, even to me to some extent. My center, my most inner circle (the bond between you and yourself) was inherently negative and filled with unproductive core beliefs, that paralyse me and definitely don’t benefit me.
What the epicenter radiates, is felt in all other areas of your life.
Those core beliefs have inserted themselves in my subconscious and are present in everything I do. It starts from deep within me and puts a filter on everything I see and experience. If I inherently believe that I am powerless, I will see the world as a place where I don’t have a say. Those thoughts will translate into emotions like anxiety, anger, frustration, insecurities. Finally, those emotions will then trigger actions that sabotage you, so that your core belief becomes the truth. Here is an example: If you unconsciously believe you are powerless, you will delay tasks while thinking you have no control over your time and to-do list. After procrastinating long enough, you’ll have to race against time, and you’ll be proven right. The world is an overwhelming place, all the possibilities are valid and equally powerful. Or at least more powerful than you. So while the whole world seems to be able to handle their time just fine, one little task can become so big in your head it paralyses you.
The funny thing: when you finally do the thing, it seems so much easier than you thought. You figure it out and probably ace it, still.
Who wants to live like that? NOT me.
I found a course online to help me find my core beliefs. It was an eye-opener! I got to work and uncovered that I have been struggling with a few core beliefs that have been holding me back my whole life.
Let me authentically come out and share my biggest ones and how they translate into visible actions:
- I am powerless. I feel overwhelmed easily, and I often feel like a victim, so I give my power and accountability away. (Not feeling in control over my own life, triggered this whole journey.)
- I am unworthy. I don’t deserve love, or a good job, or a good salary. I don’t stand up for myself and take rejection way harder than most people.
- I am not enough. Whatever I do is never good enough. Even when I do my very best and I receive compliments, it won’t reach me as criticism will. My inner-critic is the worst!
Your core beliefs will sabotage you in your relationships, work, friendships, … all areas of life. They often will be part of your personality and not perceived as bad at all! Not even by yourself. That’s why it’s tricky to find them. For example, if your core belief is ‘I am not enough’, receiving feedback and advice is something you ask for and eagerly take over your own views. It’s good to be open to feedback, so it will be labeled as a good trait. But the person with that core belief will also easily second-guess themselves and not trust their own judgment. So not a good belief to cultivate at all!
How to free yourself from these core beliefs?
Let me just say it’s not an easy thing to do. It will be a long road, with one step forward and two steps back. But like all good things take time, it will be so worth it. I’ve only started my journey and I already feel the change within. One thing is for sure: I am gonna push through with the following:
Every day, I journal about my thoughts. When I feel an emotion I can’t place or I know isn’t helping me, it is leading me to an unconscious belief.
Step 1: Journal about your emotions, which lead you to core beliefs.
I feel stressed while I have no deadlines or reason to feel pressure. Then I ask myself this question again and again: What do I make this mean?
My answer: I should be doing something great and productive. I have this job and I already don’t deserve it. Any time now they might find out I am bad at this job. I don’t deserve my salary. I am not worthy of this great job. I am unworthy.
Step 2: Neutralize core beliefs
Now the reprogramming starts. Question the belief/meaning. Am I unworthy (of my job) or is this my own assumption?
My answer: No, because no one has complained, and I am doing the best I can. I earned this job fairly and have received good feedback. I am on top of things.
For every triggered core belief, you need to find at least 5 things that disagree with it. Really sit with those 5 reasons/examples/truths. Read them out loud, read them again and again. REWIRE your brain, which has thought this unhelpful thing for so long you’ll need to reprogram it to think otherwise.
My new way, or the highway!
You can think your brain is a big entanglement of highways, streets, and sandy pathways. Your brain will easily take the big and strong highways, out of habit and because it’s the fastest way. Core beliefs were created when you were really young. Your brain has been thinking these thoughts for a long, long time = highway. You have to consciously reroute your unconscious thoughts to a street or sandy road. And repeat the action, until that road is the new highway.
From the core of my heart, I am hoping this will make you dig for your core beliefs! So much to find out, good luck!
