How my sister/mirror made me see my inner truth
Hi, I’m Edith (29) and I recently moved to Costa Rica to pursue a dream of mine; learn Spanish in a Spanish-speaking country. Now that I’m here, and it is time to take action and start part 2— which is the learning Spanish part — I’m finding myself self-sabotaging! I know what I need to do, but I can’t get my ducks in a row and JUST DO IT already!
Recognizable? Then you and I could help each other out!
Those aha-moments
I recently had a revelation! If I want to make it a reality, I better get to work. Do you know how sometimes in life you have those aha-moments? Well, let’s say this was it, a hundred times over. Like a hit-you-in-the-face-but-you-can’t-stop-smiling-AHA-moment. Ever heard of those? I hadn’t either, but I would like to share how I got here. Probably there are more ways to arrive at this point, but I would be honored to be a potential lead on how to get there.
‘She is so flexible and easy-going’, a compliment?
Let me start from the beginning, as it is important for the whole picture. My whole life I have struggled with boundaries. When people describe me, they will always mention something like ‘Edith is flexible, she gets along with everyone, she is easy-going, she is very approachable, she is enthusiastic about a lot of things, she has a lot of hobbies and friends, …’. Sounds good, no? Nothing to be ashamed of. And truth be told, I never perceived it as bad either. But it is bad! The book ‘Boundaries’, written by Henry Cloud and John Townsend helped me understand that.
Too much of anything is never good
Let’s just say that it’s never good to have too much of anything. It means you lack something on the opposite side. So in my case, it meant I lacked something super essential. Something that guards your energy, makes you aware if something is not right, and tells you when to stand your ground. Not everything can be okay, not everything is good, not all options are equally awesome. Of course, that’s not how I have walked through life until now. While I am exaggerating, you can see how something is not totally adding up, right?
Everything has potential
I lacked boundaries, the essential thing that makes sure you know where you draw your lines. If you don’t know your non-negotiables — the things you can’t accept — all the things are open for debate. Everyone deserves a bit of your time. Who am I to say they can’t ask me this or that? Why not try this, even though it is totally out of my reach, or I don’t have the time for it. Before you know it, you put your energy into maybes, because you don’t know any better.
Even though it is not wrong to go through life like this, I can tell you: it is exhausting!
Enough is enough
When you get to the point of incitement, you feel like something isn’t right and needs to change. You don’t need a big plan, just a bit of dissatisfaction will do the trick. For a long time, I had found myself wondering what I kept doing wrong for being so tired and drained all the time. I kept going, thinking it was just the life choices I had made, which ask for more energy than more regular life choices. You know, the regular choices found inside the comfort zone. But the awareness was there. The feeling that I had to search for the needed change. The desire and willingness to begin that search grew.
Awareness is key
Without awareness, you won’t recognize the opportunities when they come along. In the beginning, it was small things that told me I wasn’t respecting my own boundaries. I would feel unloved, while surrounded by people who care about me. I would feel incapable while receiving compliments. Not only that, but I couldn’t say no to things, even when I knew I would not benefit one bit if I said yes. Then I saw how people always asked me for things — knowing others would reject them — but I wouldn’t. In my defence, I kept doing those things because they did bring me things. In retrospect, that is why it probably took me so long to start asking questions.
Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed. — Tich Nhat Hanh
The point of no return
When you start asking questions and challenge yourself to see patterns and cycles, things become clear. Mirrors can also be a big help. Mirrors are people you have a connection/relationship with. You need people in your life that will open their mouths and not spare your feelings. Honestly, they do this for your own good. But I can tell you, it will feel very uncomfortable.
The people in your life carry pieces of information for you to observe where you are lacking/succeeding. Some mirrors will take it upon themselves to nudge you to look inwards. The things that mirror tells you, will linger in your head long after the words were said.
The people we are in relationships with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. — Shakti Gawain
Mirror, mirror on the wall, what am I feeling after all?
My sister is the mirror that saw the crack in the glass and just nudged until it shattered. We were apart for a long time, and she came to visit me with her own reasons and quests. Because I was still working during the day, I gave her exactly what she needed: time alone with her thoughts, to heal and get in touch with her intuition again. We were not sure if it was intuition back then, but it became clear afterward.
What was obvious to her though, was that I wasn’t doing so well. She kept wondering and observing. I kept saying I was fine and things were hard but manageable. I always have been grateful for all I have, and I also have the beautiful tendency to see the good in everything. But my sister wasn’t fooled and wanted to get to the bottom of…me.
Let’s get to the bottom of me
After three weeks, my sister and I had established a good rhythm. It was one week before my one-month-holiday would start. The vacation-vibe was lingering in the air already, concentration was hard to find. Then, the moment came.
I kind of became a waterfall of words and tears. Both my sister and I were surprised. So my life wasn’t as together as I was telling myself and the world? My mirror could see right through me. And I’ll always be grateful for that.
And so it begins… My self-work starts
Another gift of my sister was a journal, handmade by a friend of hers. She said that journaling always gave her insights into her inner thoughts and would be good for recognizing behavioral cycles. Somehow your life is speaking to you. When you cultivate that awareness, listen and pay attention to your life, you won’t feel so lost.
Don’t just tell your life what you want to do with it, listen to what it wants to do with you. — Parker Palmer
So I got to work. I learn through reading books and I started my journey with a gem: Living in the Light, by Shakti Gawain. I’m still reading and learning right now, but I already took some notes of things I’d like to write about.
That’s what this blog will be about: to help myself by writing about what I read and motivate you to look inward as well. So excited for what comes next!
Stay tuned! More posts about my findings will appear soon. Keep me on my toes, accountability partners. :)
What is my revelation?
I hope you won’t feel tricked, but I am not ready to tell you my revelation yet. As I told you in the beginning, I will need to get a lot of work done to get there. I have hope and I am very motivated. These blog posts will bring me closer to my goal and I know that taking you along this bumpy ride, will bring you something, too.
Have a great day ahead!
Edith
P.S. Also intrigued by this sister of mine? Find her on Medium as well!
